Janice's Favorite Quotes

Once upon a time in a land far, far away was a kingdom called Amfacshire. In the middle of this kingdom was a somewhat run down green and white castle with pale yellow dirty walls, dirt under the round tables and a really filthy damsels room. There weren't many people in the kingdom, just a handful of citizens who lived in little thatch desks. The eldest of Amfacshire's inhavitants ws Dame Martie of Kardex, who was very respected. She had lived in Amfacshire for over 26 years and had seen the kingdom at a happier time. Thru her many wise years, she had taken several husbands, owned one or two dragons and had two ultra-beautiful daughters. She had also known the ruler when he was just Viscount Salesman. Also in the kingdom ws Lord Bob of Transformer. Lord Bob was a very humorous fellow who, at one time, was the weathiest of the inhabitants in the kingdom. Lord Bob was a purveyor of harnessed water energy. His beggest customer was Knottinham Gas and Electric. But, as time went by, he lost KG&E to a loarger purveyor, Wetinghouse-on-Avon. Another citizen of Amfacshire was Count Jerry of JK330ham. Count Jerry ws an unusual fellow, sort of then and not very trustworthy. The rumor of the land was he came into his gold schillings by dealing in pilfered swords and tarnished shields. He was believed to be a supplier of illegal grog. Also in Amfachire was Lady Marsha of Break-Windsor. She was s dowdy maiden who was known to entertain obscene messengers. Despite thier attempts at happiness, the citizens of Amfacshire were very sad because of thier kingdom's ruler, King John of Pinhead. King John was a blunt, ignorant fellow who had little regard for the fairer sex (or an other kind, for that matter) and who regularly indulged in illegal grog furnished by Count Jerry. His repugnance made his small kindom an outcst among kingdoms and no one wished to every enter the kingdom of Amfachire. But the saddest part of this story is about another citizen of Amfachire. A lovely youn girl of 20 with fair skin, golden locks and beautiful rosy cheeks. She lived all alone in the uppermost turret of the castle. Her job was to do menial tasks, take the blame for King John's errors and receive the smallest of gold coins. This lovely, byt abused yong damsel was named CinderEllen. Despite her poor appearance and low position in Amfacshire, she was a happy maiden who loved the other citizens of the kingdom and wanted only to make things right for them. The only way to make this happen was to remove King John from power. She must think about how to dot his so it was done smoothly and cleanly. Murder ws out of the question as CinderEllen was a very religious person. Although the highest court of the land, Ye olde People's Court, would render it as justifiable homicide. No, it must be done very subtle, thought CinderEllen. She kew she could not seduce King John for two reason: 1: King John was not aroused by fair young maiden, 2: she knew she would lose her cookies if he came hear her.
Time went on and CinderEllen kept thinking. Which was not easy for poor, young CindrEllen as she ws almost brain dead from being at Amfacshire to begin with. As fate would have it, the answer came to her doing Amfachire's yearly open house and joustin tournament. During open house was the only time when other kigdoms visited Amfachire. They came for the fre grog, ale and a feast fit for a king. The inhabitants of Amfachire found out early that people can put up with King John as long as thery're too intoxicated to really know what's going on! As CinderEllen was watching King John and drinking her PepsiGrog, she found him to be unusally excited. She stood speculating why shen finally she saw the answer. From the visiting kingdom of Texasham, in walked Sir Mike of Ego. Noe Sir Mike was considered the catch of the land and all fair young maidens swooned when he entered a room. CinderEllen didn't trust Sir Mike. He had a reputation as a maiden's man and as an extoller of lighting torches. However, CindrEllen knew he always included canles with his torches, causing his kingdom to have only 2% profit. She alos knew King John had a crush on Sir Mike. No one ever knew this, but CinderEllen knew from watching King John. King John was always giggling around Sir Mike, looking at the bulge in his suit of armor and telling him how nice he smells when wearing his faovrite cologne, Ye Olde Spice. Seeing as how that was a very manly time, such behavior would only mean the dungeon. Well, thought CinderEllen, this would do quite well. She must make King John betray his feelings in public. And during Amfacshire's open house and jousting tournament would be an excellent time. But how? Of course! This would call for enlisting the aid of the Court Jester, Sharon of Bimboshire.Although CinderEllen hated the Court Jester Sharon, she knew that Sharon could not keep a secret if her life depended on it. Also, Court Jester Sharon was desparate for schillings when she became unemploued in the previous story. Within 3 weeks, all of the surrounding kingdoms knew about King John and Sir Mike. They were ostracized by the highest ruler of the country, the Arch Bishop Dean of Burch. When last heard, they wer living in San Francisco of Dover. Everyone at Amfachire was so happy. They had a big festival to celebrate and honor the ArchBoshop and to than CinerEllen for helping to get rid of King John. It was a very, very happy kingdom. The walls were painted and even the damsels room was celaned. Dame Martie was voed Sage of the Kingdom because of her ability to memorize an entire Kardex. She later became Kardex Laureate of England. Lord Bob was knighted and on his silver steed left Amfachire to found the new Kingdom of Pahrumpton. Count Jerry was reprimanded for supplying King John with illegal gro and was sentenced to the dungeon, where he is still trying to figure out what the hell a JK330 is doing in Medevial England. Lady Marsha was also honored and her title elevated to Madame. And that pretty well explains what she spent the rest of her life doing. Court Jester Sharon was sent along to torment both King John and Sir Mike, a fitting end for all three of them. CinderEllen was made Princess of Amfacshire. She was courted by Prince Vuce of Boxleitner and married. And everyone lived happily every after.
The End

This was written in the mid 1980's by my friend Ellen when we both worked at Amfac and she was going through a very tough week and hated her job. I hope she's feeling much better now!

Sometimes it is easy to forget the true meaning of Christmas. The busy traditions of the season and the appealing advertisements for material goods can leave the pure and simple truths far, far behind.

Jake was nine years old with tousled brown hair with blue eyes as bright as a heavenly angel. For as long as Jake could remember he had lived within the walls of a poor orphanage. He was just one of ten children supported by what meager contributions the orphan home could obtain in a continuous struggle seeking donations from townsfolk.

There was very little to eat, but at Christmas time there always seemed to be a little more than usual to eat, the orphange seemed a little warmer, and it was time for a little holiday enjoyment. But more than this, there was the Christmas orange!

Christmas was the only time of year that such a rare treat was provided and it was treasured by each child like no other food admiring it, feeling it, prizing it and slowly enjoying each juicy section. Truly, it was the light of each orphan's Christmas and thier best gift of the season. How Joyful would be the moment when Jake received his orange!

Unknown to him, Jake had somehow managed to track a small amount of mud on his shoes through the front door of the orphange, muddying the new carpet. He hadn't even noticed. Now it was too late and there was nothing he could do to avoid punishment. The punishment was swift and unrelenting. Jake would not be allowed his Christmas orange! It was the only gift he would receive from the harsh world he lived in, yet after a year of waiting for his Christmas orange, is was to be denied him.

Tearfully, Jake pleaded that he be forgiven and promised never to track mud into the orphanage again, but to no avail. He felt hopeless and totally rejected. Jake cried into his pillow all that night and spent Christmas Day feeling empty and alone. He felt that the other children didn't want to be with a boy who had been punished with such a cruel punishment. Perhaps they feared he would ruin their only day of happiness. Maybe, he reasoned, the gulf between him and his friends existed because they feared he would ask for a little of thier oranges. Jake spent the day upstairs, alone, in the unheated dormitory. Huddled under his only blanket, he read about a family marooned on an island. Jake wouldn't mind spending the rest of his life on an isolated island, if he could only have a real family that cared about him.

Bedtime came, and worst of all, Jake couldn't sleep. How could he say his prayers? How could there be a God in Heaven that would allow a lttle soul such as his, to suffer so much all by himself? Silently, he sobbed for the future of mankind that God might end the suffering in the world, both for himself and all others like him.

As he climbed back into bed from the cold, hard floor, a soft hand touched Jake's shoulder, startling him momentarily and an object was silently placed in his hands. The giver diappeared into the darkness, leaving Jake with what, he did not immediately know!

Looking closely at it in the dim light, he saw that it looked like an orange! Not a regular orange, smooth and shiny, but a special orange, very special. Inside a patched together peal were the segments of nine other oranges, making one whole orange for Jake! The nine other children in the orphanage had each donated one segment of thier own precious oranges to make a whole orange as a gift for Jake.

Sharing what we truly value is the true spirit of Christmas. Our Heavenly Father gave us His beloved Son. May we, like the children in the orphanage, find ways to share His love with others less blessed.

Unknown

Some great dog quotes!

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
Anonymous

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person
Andy Rooney

Anybody who dewsn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog
Franklin P Jones

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise
unknown

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money.
Joe Weinstein

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
Robert A Heinlein

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you' that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
Mark Twain

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
Roger Caras

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.
Phil Pastoret

The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't kow what you're doing, someone else does!

My doctrine is this, that if we see cruelty or wrong that we have the power to stop, and do nothing, we make ourselves sharers in the guilt.
Anna Sewell